Across The Tears
by Modokashii Suiri
Summary: The digidestined ponder their relations to each other, their digimon, their family, and their enemies. [Collection of One Shots] [All seasons] [ON HOLD]
1. Ken kara Osamu, Wormmon e

Disclaimer-I don't own Digimon.

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Across The Tears-

Summary- The digidestined ponder their relations to each other, their digimon, their family, and their enemies. (Collection of One-Shots) (All four seasons)

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Ken kara Osamu, Wormmon e

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So many times, I've wondered, "If I hadn't wished Osamu away, would he still be here?" And then I realize _that_ thought would still be in my heart.

I've thought often about Osamu. I've thought about how I can make it up to him. Be the best son? The smartest? A genius? I thought and thought that day, when I got Wormmon back. And realization hit me. If there was one thing Osamu would want me to do, it was to have friends.

It occurred to me that as a child, Osamu was my world. He was my big brother, my friend, my savior...everything. I would cling to him like there was no tomorrow.

Then came the day when there was no tomorrow for him. With the pop of a bubble-just like that-he disappeared from my world. I couldn't understand why. I wanted to understand...but I was afraid.

And then came Wormmon. I realized that during my time as Digimon Emperor, I had treated Wormmon just as Osamu treated me when he found me with the digivice back then. All the anger within me formed into hate, and I directed it towards Osamu. Wormmon hadn't done that to me. And now, I realize just what Osamu would want me to do. He would want me to have friends.

There's more than that. It is only now that I can fully understand. We were mutually dependent on each other, but Osamu more than I. See, I could depend on my parents.

But Osamu...Osamu was the prodigy. Osamu was older. Osamu was the responsible one. He should have been the independent one, too. In the end, though, I was the only one he could depend on the most.

It is like that that I depended (and I still do) and depend on Wormmon. I didn't know it, but no one else had ever treated me with such kindness, such understanding. My parents were proud of my genius skills back then, but would their love have been the same if I was a normal boy? No one else _meant_ it when they talked to me in a kind voice before. But Wormmon did.

We were just a normal family. Osamu was the genius. I was a mere shadow of him after he disappeared. I surpassed every obstacle that came in my way. But I could not _be_. It simply was not possible for me to exist as such. I couldn't have the natural genius that Osamu had.

I could never replace him.

It is simply not enough to replace him. I could never. I would never. Something so precious, it cannot exist in anything else--that is what Osamu is to me. If I cannot replace him, then there is only one other thing I can do for him. I will be what he truly wanted to be.

If there is one thing I have learned from being a family genius, it is the tremendous amount of things that are expected from you. Osamu felt the pressure of these things and oftentimes felt as if he was carrying a great burden on his shoulders, say the weight of the world.

'_I don't mean to complain, Ken_,' he often told me. '_I know others have greater burdens. But I just can't take it sometimes. Do you think I'm being selfish?_'

No. I would always shake my head no. No, Osamu...he could never be selfish. He was a hero in my eyes. I glorified him as a god, once. He couldn't be selfish. He couldn't.

I was wrong.

Osamu was a normal boy, as normal as myself without Wormmon. He worked hard to meet up with what was expected of him. He was being selfish.

He had the right to be selfish. Everyone does at one time or another. Even Daisuke.

But me? I've been too selfish. Did I ever once consider Wormmon's feelings? Sometimes I wonder if I deserve his company. Did Osamu ever feel like this around me? I hope not.

Geniuses don't have real friends. They have admirers, fans...people who envy them, but hide the jealousy so they can get close to the geniuses and shut them down. Never friends. Nor do they trust just anyone to be a friend. Almost every day, before Osamu and I went to sleep, he would talk to me. Minutes before we closed our eyes to sleep, he would lie awake, staring up at the ceiling. He'd spill his feelings about the day out.

For a while, I did that to Wormmon. How many burdens did I place on him. He would always listen. I tended to fall asleep before Osamu finished. Wormmon would lie awake and comment on my every word once I finished.

Osamu can never escape my memory. Even in the dark of the night, he is on my mind. If I hadn't said what I said that day, I wonder...

Perhaps it is because I have Wormmon. Ever since I got him back, I have realized so many connections between us that are similar to the ones I had with Osamu. Even more, it is like I have Osamu back. Wormmon is more than just my digimon partner. He's more than just a digimon, more than a code, or a bunch of numbers. Wormmon is more than my friend, more than my family. When I'm with him, I feel Osamu.

Could it be Osamu is always looking over me...and he's that close?

Is Osamu making sure I'm taken care of?

Is Wormmon...really just Wormmon?

Oftentimes, I've pondered these questions. I don't just feel Wormmon, I feel Wormmon and Osamu, Osamu and Wormmon.

Osamu never meant to be selfish. It doesn't take a genius to see that. He didn't want to burden our family, and so he took all the burdens himself, trying to battle them away with his genius. Maybe it could have worked.

Maybe we would have been better off if he was still alive.

Wormmon would be gone, though. But wouldn't we be happier? Wouldn't life be better?

It's selfish of me to think of that. Even if we would have been happier as a family, there would be something inside of me, I'm sure, something that would tell me that I had more in my life. Something would take away the happiness of that time.

Would it all be worth it, just to go back in time and get Osamu back? I can't say that I'd have Wormmon...my friends...or anything for that matter. I'd have Osamu, but would it be what we really wanted?

I don't think so. I can't really say what Osamu would want, but I don't want him to suffer the hardships he did ever again. It's my turn.

This time, though, I won't push help away. I'll take it when it's needed. Because that's what friends are for. Friends, family, and life in general. Now, I can embrace them with a fuller understanding. A better understanding. Simply...with understanding. For this, I have my friends to thank. Wormmon especially.

Wormmon is curled asleep on the floor. He insists. Of course, I pick him up and place him on the bed. How could I not?

Geniuses don't have real friends, but I do. Maybe because I'm not a genius anymore, but nevertheless, I have real friends. Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, Takeru, and Hikari-the original digidestined, too--all of them...they've done so much for me. They didn't push me away. I owe them. I want to know why they had helped me, why they became my friends.

Was it because I was one of them, a digidestined? Was it out of sympathy? Even now, I don't know. I don't think I really want to that much. In the end though, there's only one thing I can do. I'll offer them my friendship.

On this day, I, Ken Ichijouji, lie awake in my bed. So many thoughts are on my mind, but I just can't push them away. Today is the day Osamu disappeared. Today is the day I should mourn. How can I mourn when I am happy? Osamu lives in my mind, spirit and heart. He will always be there for me. I may not be able to live _for_ him, but I will live how he would have wanted to...how he would have wanted me to.

I can finally understand fully. It's because of you, Wormmon, that I know how Osamu wants me to live.

Free...happy...carefree...

But most importantly, with _friends_.

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A/N-

Short. It's not so much Wormmon as Osamu, so I might do a separate one for Wormmon later. It's been a while since I've seen Adventure 02, but for some reason I just did Ken first. Opinion? Help for making it longer, please?

I don't know whom I'll do next. Requests will be taken into consideration, but not necessarily done right away. I can't force myself to write it, so sorry. Keep in mind I won't update regularly here. And unfortunately, unless I can get into it a lot, the chapters will probably be short.

Review or Flame.


	2. Takeru kara Patamon e

Disclaimer-I don't own Digimon.

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Takeru kara Patamon e

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It's been quite a while since I first saw you, Patamon. I never really noticed it before, but we've grown on each other, huh? I guess I was just too preoccupied with the battles we fought to ever notice.

We've definitely grown as a team. I can't imagine a better partner. And...another thing...

Often, I've imagined what life with me must have been like for you when we originally met. Would you like to know what I saw? I saw myself as you having to take care of a baby. I was a baby back then. That's what I saw.

When we appeared on File Island, my first thought was that we were like the main characters of one of those fairy tale books or the videogames. I guess in a way we were. I was Link, and you were my fairy--hey, the analogy works. At least it did when I saw you first. You could even fly.

I never took the first few days seriously. Even when Etemon was around, with Piximon and everyone...I thought of it as a game. And I can't...I can't exactly be sure when it all changed. It did, though. One of those days, everything changed for me. I began to take the Digital World seriously.

Patamon, the most vivid first moment I had of you was when I first found you. I remember thinking I was in a dream, that you were a stuffed animal and that you were enchanted to talk. I thought that everyone else had one of their own, too, that the forest was filled with lots of talking stuffed animals. I thought Kuwagamon was the evil king of the forest that terrorized the stuffed animals.

Hey, I was young. Blame the imagination.

Maybe I started taking you a bit seriously after that. It was still a joy ride to me. I was the youngest kid there. Yamato and Taichi were my big brothers, always there to get me out of trouble. Knowing that, I didn't want to put any pressure on you, especially the pressure of digivolution.

When File Island split up that night, and we were all sent apart, in truth, I was shaking to the bones. You know that, though. We were both crying the next morning, remember? And then when we stumbled upon Primary Village, I was afraid to see you digivolve. I didn't want to see you get hurt like Agumon and the others did.

Maybe that's why...you were the one who got hurt the most. You see, back then, before I even went to camp or met you, my mother told me everyday, '_Takeru, there are better ways to get out of trouble than fighting. I don't ever want to see you fight, okay?_' I didn't understand her meaning then, but when I saw you and Elecmon with a look in your eyes that made me think you two were ready to rip each other's throats out (and yes, I kind of did imagine that), I took her meaning in a different way.

I won't say you exist for fighting. That's not true. It doesn't mean I exist for fighting, either. There's always a time in our life that we will have to stand up and fight. It doesn't necessarily fight with your fists, but your heart. There's a difference between the two, other than the fact that they're located on different parts of your body and have different functions. If you fight with just your fists, you're just asking for it. One day, someone will beat you down. But fighting with your heart...

Devimon and Angemon...a devil and an angel. The fight between you two taught me that sometimes, the heart may not _want_ to fight, but for its cause, it will _have_ to fight. The cause will spur the heart to fight, and the heart will unleash its power in various forms.

I can't say I know the exact reason you digivolved then. It could have been to protect me. Maybe you had no choice. You might have just wanted to prove a point. I only know that when you began to fade away, when you told me that you'd come back if I really wanted it, I wished and wished. "Keep me in this world forever, just give me Patamon back," I prayed. I prayed to the angel I saw in the fading light.

To you, Patamon. I prayed to you _for_ you.

After that I knew that this was more than a game. I can take hints easily, so if I ever act innocent around Daisuke...well, you know me, right, Patamon?

You know...that day...when everyone split up after Taichi disappeared? I was afraid you would leave me too. But since everyone else was on their own, I wanted to be independent, too. Part of me wanted to hug you, but part of me wanted to push you away.

Do negative feelings end up dominant? Because I ended up pushing you away. Maybe the entire time with Demidevimon made me realize how much I missed you as a friend. That old bat was nothing in comparison. Yeesh, I hope he never hears I called him an old bat. Then again, there's not much he could do.

We're getting off-track, here.

See, there were things I couldn't talk about with Demidevimon that I wanted to talk about with you. There were things that, even if I stuck with him from there on, we wouldn't have been able to go through together. I couldn't laugh the same, I couldn't be myself. I tried, though, and I think I kind of saw a good side to him in the end.

Even so, he tried to poison me, and you still were there for me. I wonder...if Demidevimon had been in your position, would he have forgiven me? You want to know what I think?

I think he wouldn't.

The others...I guess it's kind of...rude of me to say this...but I don't think they understand you. Or rather, I don't think they understand _us_. Maybe I'm just analyzing us too much.

Forget it. I can't explain. I bet it's just me.

No...it is just me. You see, Patamon, after all we've been through, there's been something that's been nagging me all these years. I've always thought of you as a friend, but what have you thought of me?

No matter how many times I look at it, I can't see it any other way. I've hurt you a lot of times, Patamon. I never meant to.

I've got a theory about why I was given the crest of Hope. You remember the prophecy from when we were fighting Myotismon. It mentioned, 'Angels of Hope and Light,' right? You and Angewomon. But if it's Hope and Light, isn't it similar to Dark and Light?

I've always been afraid of the dark. Even now, before I can sleep, I stare around in my room, trying to locate things that are familiar to me so I won't be scared. I know I don't have as much reason to be scared as Ken does, but I can't help it. The darkness brings me nightmares about Devimon and the Dark Masters...often, I dream about losing you to any of them; losing you to Devimon, Piedmon, even our rock star monkey Etemon.

And then through the nightmares, I get the feeling that I'm missing something. A few times after we first came back from the Digital World for good, I woke up in the middle of the night crying from those nightmares. Mom...she'd help me calm down. But what really helped was you, Patamon. I realized that all a person can really have when they're alone in the dark is hope.

Sometimes, I zone off during class and wonder why it wasn't the crest of Darkness and instead the crest of Hope. Then I imagine you turning into Devimon...

I guess that's why. Hope inspires people. It gives people courage in the dark that there can really be light. In a way, it makes the whole crest system make sense. I can tie one crest into another so easily, it's kind of funny, actually. I wonder if that's why the crests exist?

So in a way, Patamon, we're the other side of the balance to Hikari's Light. If that's true, then we really are like the dark. I have hope otherwise, though. I know, that even if we are to our cores covered in darkness, we represent the crest of Hope. Because I have hope. Would you like to know why? Heh...heheh...well, it's a secret.

Patamon, I can't ever thank you enough. I'm proud to be your partner. Nothing in the world could change that. This Christmas has been great. I've gotten the best gift ever. I wonder when another time like this will come. Hey...is there a Santa in the Digital World? A Santamon? You'd be great for the position of a reindeer!

Sorry, sorry...I'm joking. Well, not really. You're like a reindeer. Patamon, the orange reindeer with wings! We've overcome so many things together, Patamon. It's just like those TV shows...we'll surmount every obstacle together, be it Devimon or Daisuke's temper.

Going through one adventure after another with you, Patamon, has inspired me in more ways than one. I feel like I can enter the Digital World whenever just by closing my eyes and holding my Digivice tight in my hand. Even when I'm alone, I feel the power that I do when I'm with you and the rest of the gang.

But...I still can't help but feel that there's something...

Where can I start, Patamon? Something tells me that there's something wrong.

Am I hallucinating again? Is this just one of my thoughts running awry? I remember that day so clearly...that day when you had that tug-of-war contest with Elecmon. You know, there was a second where I stopped and realized you took care of me just like my mom did. You were excellent with the babies. I wanted to cry for a moment--I wanted my own mother. Then, Patamon, I remembered you were there.

We were a team.

If I left, where would you be?

Patamon, I don't know what I've done. I can't help but get the feeling that you aren't happy. Please, Patamon, tell me. We're partners after all, aren't we? But...don't feel pressured to do so, please.

Even if I've done something, I promise you now and forever, I'll always be there by your side. We'll step into the next world together. We'll step out of this prison we're in and you'll spread your wings.

Patamon. Will you always remember me? I'll never forget you. For all you've done, Patamon...thank you. No matter what, you've always been by me. I'm so sorry. It's my turn, now. Let's switch shifts for the moment, okay?

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A/N-

It's slightly longer than Ken's. I was at a loss for words somewhere along the middle. I completely spaced out. It was intended to be longer, but the thought that I wanted embedded in the chapter wouldn't come out as I wanted it to. Opinions, please?

Review or Flame.


	3. Taichi kara Yamato e

Disclaimer-I don't own Digimon.

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Taichi kara Yamato e

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You're such a nut. Hard to crack, too. I can't stand to look at you for more than thirty seconds without screaming or pulling my hair out...something stupid like that. But I manage. Funny how that is.

Yeah, the beginning was okay. We hardly conflicted the first few _hours_, and then the decision of where to go arose, and my brilliant leader skills clashed with your annoying thinking things through.

Or _did_ you think things through...? I was under the impression you did, but since I'm not sure now, how about we shrug and go on?

Where was I? Decision making. It's a tough job, Yamato, one that only _I'm _worthy of! But I'll stop being an annoying three-year-old minded idiot and get to the point. (I hope you can tell I was kidding when I said that I was the only one worthy).

The point is...there is no point! Ah, great, I'm wasting my breath.

We've gone through a lot together. Getting chased by giant bugs, beating each other up, beating other digimon up, getting our digimon to beat each other up...well, the latter of them's _your_ fault. I'm not taking the blame for that.

Right. Let's stick on track, Taichi.

The point of all my ramblings, Yamato, is just to point out that you're a nut. One tough nut to crack. I think though...I finally cracked you. If not, I'm _really_ wasting my breath, but let me just say...although...well...

I don't _want_ to say this...

I'm sorry.

Yes, I mean I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being an idiot with the maturity as that of a new born, or perhaps even worse, a five-year-old. I'm sorry for punching you and not taking your ideas into consideration. I'm sorry for all the times I didn't watch your back in a battle.

I'm _really_, really sorry.

I could care less if you accept my apology though. I'm _still_ not sorry that I got WarGreymon to beat MetalGarurumon up because of that fight before Hikari went all weird, and I'm _not_ sorry that I haven't apologized about Sora.

Just...don't do anything stupid, okay?

See, Yamato, I sat down a day ago and decided to think. Thinking's not my strong suit, and I really should work on it more often, but it gets so boring. I _still_ wonder how you people do it. But I thought the entire day through. Was it our personality that clashed? Our ideas? Our...heads? I never really figured it out, but I did discover that I blamed you for a lot of things that weren't your fault.

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to say that it's _all_ my fault. Some of it is your fault too, and I'm not apologizing for that crap. Do that yourself. But there are a few things..._important_ things...that I feel I ought to say.

You're born with the family you've got. Takeru's got you; you've got Takeru. I never meant to intrude on that. (I have Hikari after all). Yeah, I was surprised you disappeared while he was having troubles with DemiDevimon and yeah, I thought you were off goofing around. I couldn't help it. Things didn't connect. You can imagine then, how I felt when I realized, "Hey! Yamato's not being an idiot. He didn't mean to ditch Takeru!"

You guess 'horrible?' Beyond that. I was positively distraught, um, and I can't come up with a more difficult sounding word that doesn't sound so...'damsel in distress.'

I guess when we split up, you wanted to make that up to Takeru. I was stuck with Jou (that isn't too bad) but I really wanted to tell you, "Yamato, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude on this whole thing. I didn't mean for you all to fall apart. I didn't mean for Takeru to-" I didn't know what to say after that, so I kept shut and left with Jou.

I used to think you hated me and wanted revenge because I was the leader and you were just second in command. That was my thinking. Without me, all of you would be nothing. I thought that, to get revenge, you would counter my every command. Maybe you had a reason when you did. But it was so _frustrating_, and I put all the blame on you because of it.

Things changed. You came back, we defeated the Dark Masters, sent Apocalymon to the furthest reaches of the universe, and went home.

Diablomon was just another obstacle in our life. We overcame him together. I realized then, Yamato, that I could truly count on you. Mimi was in Hawaii, Sora was mad at me, Hikari was at a birthday party, Jou at a test...my own mom was trying to poison me with her potato juice! Gah, I still can't bear to think about it. Makes the bile rise.

Of all the people, it was you, Izzy, Takeru and myself. The four of us, thrown against some crazy whacko digimon. And when MetalGarurumon and WarGreymon were beaten up badly, when you asked me, "Why isn't he answering, Taichi?" I began to wonder why I wasn't answering my own questions.

I always wondered, "Why isn't Yamato listening to me? Why isn't Yamato answering me? Why does he look at me like I'm weird?" I realized though, that's what I did with my friends. But we couldn't really consider each other friends. That was the conclusion I came up to. We were just thrown towards the same fate. Friends? Us?

Could we be?

Diablomon came and went with other stupid things. Sora finally got fed up with me. Should've made sense she headed for you. You want to know why, Yamato? I think you know why, though.

Sora thought of us as rivals. We were like two rams locking horns, always arguing over the stupidest thing. She went out with you, and I would be jealous because we were rivals.

Hardly the case. It hurt because you were a friend. I felt betrayed. But you were my friend. But I felt betrayed. But you were my fr-

The point is, I just wanted the best for you, and those two thoughts just ran through my head dozens of times when I found out you betr-no...you...well, you know what I mean. It hurt because I considered you close, and...

We've gone through so much together, Yamato, I think we've finally set our differences aside. Sure, we get into petty fights once in a while. It's healthy. I don't _ever_ want something stupid to come between us, ever again. I hope you can understand. Can you? But see, I can only hope. After hoping for half my life, I'm not sure I want to anymore, no offense to Takeru.

I think it's time to say good-bye. Good-bye to our past, because I've learned my lesson. Maybe I'll come across it again. Maybe I'll need to learn another lesson. I do know, Yamato, that I've learned this one. So if you can forgive me, that's great. If not, I'll punch you and be done with it.

I think I'll punch you either way.

Maybe...I should have put this in an e-mail instead. Maybe as a message on your phone. I don't remember a word I just said, and it was a great speech, too. I don't think Hikari recorded this time, either. Ignore my groaning, would you?

So, I'm back to a blank page of a speech I want to type up and deliver to you. I'll never figure out what to say to you, Yamato, after all I've said and done.

Even the one word I thought would mean a lot doesn't seem to mean anything anymore. But I've got another word for it.

Friends...?

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A/N-

Yeah, I think I know what I'll work on next. Sorry for not updating in such a long time. My thoughts here were spread out on what character to do...I think they still are. Opinions?

Review or Flame


	4. Kouji kara Takuya e

Disclaimer-I don't own Digimon.

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Kouji kara Takuya e

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It's...been a while. Stupid goggle head. You've grown up.

No. No, you haven't grown up. _We've_ grown up. The two of us. Together. We've grown off each other, haven't we? We've both matured a little.

I can imagine you'll be thinking, "How can you mature anymore than you have _before_ we met you?" I wasn't mature, Takuya. That was me _trying_ to be mature. But...but does maturity really matter? It feels like this is the only way I can get to what I want to say.

I've always been a loner. They call it 'lone wolf' but it's just loner to me. Wolves travel in packs, don't they? Well, we aren't talking about wolves. This will take time. Bear with me, and if I see you yawning...it's going to be more than just one hit from a stick. Just think slice and dice.

Well, that is...if you're reading this.

Alone. My dad tried to make my childhood interesting. I got a dog. Sure, he's great, but a dog is nothing if you don't have a family. He remarried.

I didn't want a stepmother. I wanted my mother. My _real_ mother. I couldn't experience things with Satomi that I could with my real mother, so I decided I might as well grow up. I confined myself in my thoughts, created a barrier that no one could breach, made myself a solo player in our game.

Every wall has a weak brick, and I did too. I wanted a family. A replacement agency isn't going to throw a new mother, a new brother, or anything with sentimental value your way. These things have to be earned. Because I couldn't have it, I decided to build this wall with only one way of undoing it.

You weren't there with me in Sakkakumon, but when Karatenmon...

No...no, I'll start from the beginning.

It was...a while after the battles with Grumblemon when I realized I was hardly an adult. I looked at you, Izumi, Junpei and Tomoki, and I saw that, even though you weren't related, you were much like a family. That's what friends are, though, right? A family. I saw a family, and that day, a part of the wall began to crumble.

Soon enough, almost all of the wall gave way and revealed me for what I really was. But by then, I had become another me that I couldn't help but be the _mature_ me I was. I looked at all of you and saw myself as a mere child in your shadows. Especially yours, Takuya. I hated it. I looked at you, I saw you as a great leader, goggle brained at times, but brilliant overall.

I saw you fighting Duskmon, and realized that the person who I had begrudgingly begun to admire had disappeared. I wondered what happened to you, and I realized you were no more grown up than I was. Something inside of me made you seem more important than you really were.

NOT...that you aren't important. Don't get me wrong. Slice and dice, remember?

And when I slammed you against the wall before Duskmon attacked, before I was injured, I saw you for what you were. A different me. No, that's disgusting. You could never be me. But...you thought you were grown up. You thought every decision you made was the right decision, like an adult does. You thought that you could gamble with our lives. See, Takuya, I realized then and there that that was how _I_ had acted, but I had only been gambling with my own life.

I got hurt, hours seemed to pass, and then you came back. I guess, compared to you, it takes a genius to tell you changed. If you intend to hurt me at this statement, just remember: slice and dice. I finally saw who I wanted to see. Someone I could compete against, someone who was...

I'm getting sick of the word mature. I've written it down so many times in this card that I'm not even sure I'm spelling it right.

Yeah, I looked at you, and I saw that person who I wanted to fight beside. Someone who I could count on, someone who wouldn't gamble with my life. Decisions were affirmed by everyone, everyone gave their ideas, and everyone pitched into the battle against Cherubimon, the Royal Knights, then Lucemon.

Maybe I lost the point I wanted to say. Maybe I didn't. Now that I'm writing this all down, I'm not sure how to say it anymore...

You helped me a lot, Takuya. I know, it sounds so...blunt. But you did. You helped me so much. Against Velgemon...when I realized, "That's not a digimon, that's my twin brother who shouldn't exist," when I realized I didn't want to fight Kouichi, _you_ helped me onto my feet again. You told me that brothers fight. They do. And, truthfully, Takuya, from that day, anytime I feel the urge to murder you, I just think of you as a brother.

After all, friends are just another family, right?

You'll probably argue, "But family is only family if there's blood relation!" Families adopt, don't they? And that adopted child is still family. Satomi is still my mother, part of my family, stepmother or not.

Because I realized as we left the Digital World that it isn't the blood that counts. It's the experience. What you experience with whoever determines your relationship with that person. You nearly die with that person, and you both have to survive, for example, and that person tries to steal your food, they'll forever be your enemy. In the same situation, say instead that said person offers you food, watches your back, and shares the dangers and the treasures with you, you'll feel a stronger connection, don't you think?

I always looked at everyone but Kouichi (he's my brother, after all) and wondered, "Why is it I feel so normal around them?" I'd always have my guard up around people, before the Digital World. When I met all of you, I think I let that fall with my wall. I wasn't tense, I was relaxed, I could joke (however horribly), I could laugh (I didn't want to), I could do what I pleased (to a sense).

There are a lot of people who tried to help me. My dad, Satomi, my teachers...random classmates who didn't know a thing about me. I _did_ get help, I guess.

Let's offer you the chance to guess who helped me! Up for a game of twenty questions?

Here, I'll set out the twenty stupid questions you'll probably ask:

1-Do I know him?  
Yes.  
2-Do I live near him?  
Define near.  
3-When near is in the city?  
Yes.  
4-Is he my age.  
Yes.  
5-Does he have red hair?  
No.  
6-Blue hair?  
No.  
7-Green eyes?  
No.  
8-Purple eyes?  
No.  
9-Orange eyes?  
No.  
10-Goggles?  
Yes.  
11-Goggles have become a new fad, haven't they?  
No.  
12-Are you counting that as a question?  
Yes.  
13-That?  
Yes.  
14-Are you counting this, too?  
Yes.  
15-How many questions do I have left?  
That's not a yes or no.  
16-I know him, right?  
Already answered.  
17-I know who it is! It's Kouichi! Right?  
No.  
18-...It _is_ a guy, right?  
Yes.  
19-Junpei?  
No.  
20-Tomoki?  
No.

And the buzzer sounds. Those are my predictions of the twenty stupid questions you'll ask. Do you have anymore in mind? No? Good.

Now that the stupidity is done, I'll tell you who it is, goggle brain. OBVIOUSLY, YOU. But you're too dense to understand that. In all our battles, we watched each other's back. We depended on each other, we shared moments that no one else would have understood. In a way, you're more of a brother than Kouichi is, but I think that will change if he reads this. Slice and dice, don't let him read this.

You've grown on me, Takuya. You've managed to make me who I am. Everyone else helped too, but...significantly...it was you. I managed to come out of my cloister, I became human.

I matured. I accomplished what I intended to do alone with _your_ help. I realized I wasn't alone. I had people I could count on, people to help me. People like you. So _thanks_, Takuya. Please, burn this letter when you're done reading it.

Then again, since when has the past just been the past?

--1--1--1--1--1--1--1--1--1--1--1

A/N-

Not how I imagined. Kouji's character is hard to get into (considering this is Takuya we're talking to). Lots of room for improvement. Opinions?

Thank you for the reviews-** JyouraKoumi, Birdboy, Kayhera, Appaku, Circeus**

Review or Flame.


	5. Daisuke kara Takeru e

Disclaimer-I don't own Digimon.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Daisuke kara Takeru e

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"...and number twelve, Motomiya Daisuke, enters the field, a substitute for that guy whose name isn't cared for anyway...!"

"The guy's going a _lot_ of respect for Motomiya, but doesn't everybody?"

"Don't look now, but I think Motomiya's got the ball! That's _another_ match in the bag for his team!"

"He does! Look at him, using the famed '2-Top' method as he rockets toward the goal! ...a shot-"

"He shoots! The goalie is heading towards the ball-"

"Score!"

...I wish. I've worked this hard to get where I am.

You know that play by play above was the one that went through my head when you first appeared on the school grounds that day? It's obvious the plays changed quickly after that. You joined the 'other team,' my goals were further away, my shots stunk and were totally miscalculated, and I was still a glory and ball hog.

I worked so hard...you smiled.

Everything collapsed.

I _liked_ to be respected. It felt good to know I was the top dog around. And I was one of the best in soccer in the school and on the team. The team respected me. Yeah, respect; it came grudgingly, but it was still _respect_. I got what I wanted either way.

Everyday, I would practice. I met Hikari. Taichi helped me grow to be a better player. I think he knew I liked Hikari, but he never said anything. So instead of trying to get her, I decided to wait until Taichi said something. Some backed away because I talked to her, but you...

You talked to her like you were old buddies. That was a bond I couldn't break through. It really, _really_ pissed me off. Inseparable...you two...your bond...inseparable.

I tried to hate you. I really did. Every time I kicked the soccer ball, I began to imagine that it was your head, with that same, stupid smile on your face. It wouldn't work. Just _thinking_ about you made everything ten times worse.

Considering I always imagined you as the enemy in everything I did (ie- the math problem in homework, the other team in soccer, the window I broke practically every day when playing soccer in the hall, the teacher in school...), I got a headache by the end of the day and went to sleep mentally exhausted.

It didn't even start there.

Around Hikari, I would make a bigger fool of myself than I normally was. I would do the stupidest things to be the center of attention. She would laugh, she'd shake her head, but it was just exasperation, a one-time amusement. She would talk to you, and I could tell the feelings she felt were embedded in her no matter where she went. It was in her eyes...and in her laughter.

Paranoia…? Maybe. There were times I'd have the weirdest dreams. You would be the Digimon Emperor, laughing at me and taking away Hikari. You would always be the antagonist, ready to make my life miserable. I spent all my energy trying to launch an attack against you that I began to forget the important things around me. Then I'd begin to wonder, "I _am_ the protagonist here, right?"

I would try to go against _everything_ you said. I told myself that if you said to go up, we would go down. If left, then right, if around, straight ahead; like this, you were my enemy, and we were in a battle every second we drew a breath.

The battleground, if it had been real, would have been a vicious massacre on my side. In the end of this, I lost miserably. I was standing in the middle of my side of the field, stripped of my armor, vulnerable to attack. There was no one to protect me. Hey, if V-mon had been there, he would have been down, too. That's how bad it was. I lost, and I was ashamed. I wanted the final blow to come.

Do you want to know the reason I lost? I couldn't see through your tactics. I realized at the very end, when I finally lost, that it was because you never saw it as a battle. You _knew_ I would oppose you in every single way and, while at times you would play along, I was just a person who didn't like you. It was life. As far as you were concerned, I didn't matter.

When I finally realized this, it hurt. It _hurt_ not to get the final blow. It made me feel like…like I wasn't a force to be reckoned with. I was just an idiot who thought he could get his way no matter what.

I wanted to become a 'better person.' I wanted to become the force I wasn't before, go to battle with you again, and defeat you. Then _I_ wanted to be the one to spare your life. I began trying to figure out the differences between us, delving into my memories as I did. I tried to understand _what_ a 'better person' was like.

There was that time when Hikari got stuck in the Digital World...when that happened...when you took responsibility for what happened even after I blamed you, then decided to go back for her...

The hate just washed away, and I was left feeling empty.

The hate I tried to summon was repelled. I liked to be respected. I hated _to respect_. Was that how my teammates felt? Did they try to hate me, too? Did they feel like I did them? So many questions, and I couldn't understand a single one. I began to wonder.

That same, grudging respect they had for me...

I saw Angemon, and I saw the truth. It almost felt like I was looking at you. It was the same presence almost.

That same, grudging respect they had for me...

I couldn't help but have for you.

I realized that I couldn't help but respect you. You were the 'better person' I had hoped to become, and you were whom I wanted to look up to. The thought of looking up to my enemy…that thought _disgusted_ me. That was the same thing as being defeated. You are my enemy to this day. As far as I was concerned then, I could continue my search for a 'better person,' and I would look elsewhere.

I haven't started yet.

Just look at you, laughing with everyone else, even though the Digital World's a mess. I feel empty again; I do every time I try to hate you. I feel so tired trying. I _want_ to hate you, but at the same time, I _have_ to keep this mask on my face. If it falls, and my true self is revealed…

_Don't look at me_. I don't care for your stupid angelic smile. You make it look so easy. You make it seem like there's no trouble anywhere. You think you're so great, don't you?

I...worked so hard. Everything I am today, I fought for, laughing and yelling and crying...I _welcome_ trouble. I'll fight it all. I'll win all my battles from here on! That's what life is: a war.

Don't look at me! Stop smiling at me! I _hate_ you. I want to hate you! I can't...I can't hate you. Stop it! I don't want you smiling at me...I don't...want to respect you. Why...? Why do you make everything so _easy_? Why do you smile? _Why can't I hate you?_ Is that the same as hating a 'better person'? Do I _have_ to be _you_ in order to be a 'better person'? Why can't I hate you without hating a 'better person'?

Do I...Do I _really_ hate you? Deep down..._can_ I hate you?

...I respect you, even as I meet your eyes. Why?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N-

I find it shorter than usual, but much more to the point. Sorry for not updating anything sooner. This summer has been a busy one. Opinions?

Thank you for the reviews- **Circeus, Kayhera, BrAvE fOx**

Review or Flame.


	6. Miyako kara Ken e

Disclaimer-I don't own Digimon.

---------------------------------------

Miyako kara Ken e

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Back then, I felt as if I was just a part of the crowd of raving fan girls. Did I care if I was one of the masses? No...no, I didn't care. I truly believed that there was a chance that I could succeed when no other had. I had dreams. I didn't care whether I could reach them or not. Just knowing they were mine was enough.

Do you know how many hours I spent contemplating whether I should shake Daisuke's hand? I'm exaggerating, but back then...it was the same thing to me. A year could have been a day, and all that mattered was that I had succeeded. I had a connection to you, even if it _was_ just Daisuke of all people. It was a chance to meet you, a chance to say, "I shook the hand of the boy who shook hands with Ken Ichijouji!" and send my fellow classmates into the world of jealousy.

Take one guess at how I felt when I discovered whom you were. I was sickened with myself. All my dreams...I began to wonder if they would result in unfortunate accidents such as my dream with you did. I didn't want my dreams to fall apart, so I tried lying to myself, saying that you were cute, trying to believe you were still the great guy I thought you were. I really, really didn't want my dreams to die. I wanted them to overflow with happiness, but...

Even after you changed, I was frightened when you were around. So emotionless when you destroyed that digimon, control spire or no...I was truly frightened. I almost preferred you evil. At least then no one was dying. They were under your control, but they were alive.

I wanted to hate you forever. I really did. I'm ashamed to admit it. But after hearing you laugh, truly, genuinely, from the heart, I decided you weren't so bad. I couldn't hate you. You were human. You _are_ human. I finally saw that, and I realized it was only natural you scared me.

I'm human, too.

Like a dam blocking more water than it can handle, my feelings poured out before my very eyes those seconds after your laughter rang in my ears. It was unbelievable, too good to be true. I was in shock. Everything was a mess after that, if only inside of me. It only took a few more minutes, maybe even seconds before I was back to my old Miyako self, but...

I felt like _I_ had changed, too. It sounds strange, I know. The day Daisuke shook hands with you, I felt superior to all those other girls. After hearing your laughter, after getting to really know you, after crying at night and waking up red-eyed for a week after I saw you in the Digital World again, after _you_ changed...

_I _had changed, too. I was truly superior to them all. I was your friend.

Ken, did they care about you one bit after you weren't the world's super genius? I don't think so. No, not the way we did.

We. _Your real friends_. Me, Daisuke, Hikari, Takeru, and Iori, not to mention all the other digidestined.

Forever. We'll always be friends, but even closer than that. The word 'friend' is such a loose term, I've realized, just like the word...'love.' People take it for granted sometimes, naming a person they've only known for five minutes as a friend. Children, too, don't know the meaning. They say the first child who plays with them is their friend, but are they friends? They don't understand each other. They don't really know each other for sure. This is why the word 'friend' isn't in my vocabulary anymore.

We'll be a second family. A second family, because we're so close, and because no matter what happens, we'll be by your side. All the world cared about before was your great grades, how you were so smart, how you were so dashingly great at everything.

_We'll_ stick by you through thick and thin. Didn't they all abandon you after you stopped getting those great grades? _We're_ still with you, Ken. We'll always be with you. We don't care about your _grades_. We care about _you_, and we'll always care about you, and we'll make sure you can reach your dreams.

Please, don't look at me like I'm crazy every time I open my mouth. I can be a _bit_ hyper, I know, but I can be serious, too. I'm a girl. What can I say?

Maybe I'll never be able to say this out loud. I don't know how to put it into words. How can I? Every day, there are thousands of feelings that just well up inside of me. I want to let them out, but they can't be put into words. I want to share them with the world, but how?

Where once I was just another girl...

No.

Like a dam holding back more water than it can handle...

Ridiculous.

I guess I really _can't_ put this into words, even in my own head. It's just one of those unexplainable feelings.

Ken. Look at me if you care. Just once. Look, and smile, and I'll smile back. Do you know why? Do you _want_ to know why...?

I have faith in you, Ken, more than ever before. You aren't just some other good-looking guy, you're part of my second family who just _happens_ to be smart, cute, and whatever. (Oh, Miyako don't get your hopes up!) I love you, and I have faith in you. Understand, please, you'll never be alone. I promise, I'll be your guardian angel by your side.

I'll watch your back. Will you watch mine...?

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A/N-

Could have been better, and longer, too. Events she refers to are definitely shady. I need to refresh on my Digimon 02 information. Opinions?

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.

Review or Flame.


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